So they’ve decided to sell it off. Stonehouse Barracks have been use as a military base by the Royal Marines since 1785. That’s almost as long as my Nan has been alive.
Now some idiots have decided that it’s time to sell off the spiritual home of the Royal Marines because MP’s can’t prevent themselves from claiming expenses for beds, vases and grapefruit bowls. They’ve bled the coffers dry.
I understand that the country needs to save money. And lots of it. I understand that cuts need to be made.
How about working towards saving £1 billion by not spending £1.1 billion in the past on a computer system to “tackle weakness in stock control”….shit the fucking bed. Are they for real?
Surely there has to be someone with some sense that can have an input on this. They approach this person that is known to have sense. They say, “Good morning, we have this idea.”
He puts his tea down and maybe slides a custard cream across the table to make them feel comfortable. Bone china biscuit plate of course.
Then they spout these ridiculous ideas like spending £1.1 billion on a computer system or £6.6 billion on stock that is over ordered (we all know stores are for storing but nobody needs this much).
Someone must have sprinkled some fairy dust on their biscuits because it’s fucking madness to agree to some of these ideas yet dismiss others that stink of common sense.
So now they’ve decided to sell off Stonehouse Barracks among other buildings in an attempt to save money and they say this decision will save £225 million.
Parliamentary Under Secretary for the Ministry of Defence Mark Lancaster said in a statement:
The Ministry of Defence (MOD) is nearing the completion of an ambitious Estate Optimisation Strategy programme which will provide a plan for a smaller, but significantly better Defence Estate to meet the needs of the Armed Forces.
These 13 sites will contribute some £225 million toward the MOD’s £1 billion target for land release sales as set out in Spending Review 2015.
These sites also contribute to the Government commitment to provide land for 160,000 homes in this Parliament.
The intent to dispose of these 13 sites will provide land for up to 17,017 homes (of which some 12,565 are expected to materialise in this Parliament).
I acknowledge that these moves will have an impact upon civilian and military staff; the Department is making arrangements to provide for units and functions based at sites which will not have a future Defence requirement.– MARK LANCASTER, PARLIAMENTARY UNDERSECRETARY FOR THE MINISTRY OF DEFENCE
So where will the Royal Marines be moved to now?
Who fucking knows but you just know it’ll be somewhere shit that nobody else wants to be. Somewhere where others will reject. Somewhere probably sticking of piss like a stairwell in a council run city centre car park.
There is still a few years left before this will happen (2020) and local MP’s say they’re trying to keep Royal in Plymouth. Some MP’s say the accommodation isn’t good enough for Royal Marines.
When have Royal had decent accommodation? Stonehouse Barracks isn’t perfect but who doesn’t love a long walk in the morning to fill the lungs with fresh air?
We all know with their decision-making they would need to spend £3 billion and take 75 years to get a lick of paint put on the walls. Even then it’d probably be shit paint and flake off after three months.
So What Next?
I know. I have an idea. How about we sell off the Houses of Parliament? There’s plenty of space there to build some houses and they can charge a premium for it as well. London is a desirable place to live.
Then the Marines can continue their business from Stonehouse Barracks, the historical base they’ve resided in for over 230 years (shit is my Nan that old?).
They can use some of the cash to invest in some portakabins to conduct their business from. They’re barely fucking there anyway so it won’t matter if they have to survive with just a vending machine dispensing out of date Wotsits.
They use them in Sudan so why not at home as well? Look at the smiles on their faces, they love it.
I actually propose the Royal Marines take over the Houses of Parliament.
It’s a Good Idea
Think about it. Right near the Millennium Eye that can house troops to conduct surveillance. Right on the River Thames so it’ll mean quick access to the drink to go off and kick some ass. This is a great plan.
It’s slap bang in the middle of London so the lads can get a decent run ashore every night too. Especially with the 24 hour tube service that recently started.
Perhaps they’re thinking the same as me? They have decided to spend billions on doing up the place though and the MP’s have to move out for a while so if they’re spending money on it then Royal won’t get it that’s for sure.
This is a great plan though. I am off to right it up fully.
On a serious note there are some that think a move to the Dover area would be wise. There are currently no bases on that side of the country and we’re definitely in need of more troops that can patrol the Channel for migrants.
What do you think? Should Stonehouse Barracks be sold off to save money? If so, where should the Marines move?